to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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