this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
