I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
