Someone shit on the floor
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
