i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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