I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
