Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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