I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
