i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
