Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
