I hate your face
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
