and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
