Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh god it's open bar.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
