She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
