Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My pussy is not your playground.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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