im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
