the condom got lost in my hair
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
