I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
