Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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