I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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