she woke up with a sticky ear
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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