Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
