The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
