I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
