i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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