Swine flu is the new snow day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
