I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
