32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
