I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
