Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
