Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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