There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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