Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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