And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
