kristin has been a bad kristin
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
