we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
