I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Every concussion has its silver lining
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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