yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
