yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
