I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
