dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
