you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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