omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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