He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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