yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
