I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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