Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
