i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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