Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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