I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dicks are not precious.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
