my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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