Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
