Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
