I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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