On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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