And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
