I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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