That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
