I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
