Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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