But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
