cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
