Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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